Demons
by Shadowflame77
Summary: In the dawn of the war with New Bern Jake has to face his demons...
1. Prologue

This is a SongFic with IMO missing scenes, based on S1, E19 "Casus Belli", E20 "One if by Land" and E21 "Coalition of the Willing" – and scenes of other episodes are mentioned in between… but I think you can call it AU-ish, too… :)

The conversation between Heather and Jake is taken from S1, E13 "Black Jack", the conversation between Jake and Eric is from S1, E19 "Casus Belli" and Constantino's speech, too…

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The song text I use to wrap my little story around is **"Demons"** by **Brian McFadden**… please, check it out, I think it fits perfectly for Jake…

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Please, let me know what you think, I live for reviews! :)  
And sad, but true: reviews are the fuel to keep me going on!

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**Disclaimer:** I don't own Jericho or its citizens *sniffs* - I sadly have to give them back each time after writing… :(

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**_DEMONS_**

Prologue - In the shadows of a new morning…

The dawn came, its gleam slowly painting the wide Kansas sky with a strange mix of orange and purple. The shadows grew darker as the horizon brightened, but Jake was not paying attention at all; he was too absorbed in his thoughts and sorrow.

Each step he had taken in the last few years and especially in the last few months had led him to this point, had led him to where he was now…

He buried his face in his hands, shoulders slumping down in despair, and reflected on the turn his road had taken since the bombs had fallen; he was exhausted from trying to sort through this mess of his so called "life".

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tbc...


	2. Chapter 1

**_Chapter 1_**

Jake had been driving his Roadrunner towards Denver when he had suddenly become aware of the mushroom cloud blooming on the horizon. His world had completely changed at the terrifying sight.

Of course it was at that same moment that an approaching car – its owners transfixed by the menacing cloud on their left – had drifted into the oncoming traffic. When Jake had finally drawn his eyes away from the cloud and realized the threat in front of him, there had been no chance to dodge it… the cars hit head-on with the sickening sound of screeching and ripping metal and it all went black...

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	3. Chapter 2

**_Chapter 2_**

He woke up in Hell.

**_Have you ever been lost in a different world?  
Where everything you once knew is gone…_**

Pain had been his first sensation. His head, his arm, his leg… God, his leg! A moan escaped his lips and Jake curled his hands into fists, breathing heavily as he fought against the dizziness and the overwhelming throbbing of his injuries.

He felt strange, detached… like he had shifted into another world. Had he really seen a mushroom cloud?

Jake forced down the pain with some effort and left his car, disoriented. What the hell had just happened?

It was then that he registered the other car. Hobbling as quickly as he could manage, he crossed the road and approached the wreck, only to find the elderly couple inside dead. There was nothing he could do for them…

**_And you find yourself powerless  
With everything that exists  
You're numb_**

Again he had taken lives. Not on purpose, but still… they were dead, he was alive… same old song. His fault.

He scrunched up his face and squeezed his eyes shut, fighting hard to reign in the terror he felt because they were back. He could feel them. Those brown, soulful eyes were back again, watching him… Guilt was weighing him down, he could hardly breathe, tears were blurring his vision.

It would never end… there would never be the chance to escape his past… he was lost…__

_**  
Will I ever break free?  
**_

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	4. Chapter 3

**_Chapter 3_**

Once again he had no choice - the only place he could turn now was back to Jericho, the place he had just fled, like he had done five years ago...

It looked like all roads led to Jericho – at least for him.__

Defeated, he was limping back the way he came, absorbed in his own, dark thoughts and memories, when suddenly the kids appeared, calling for help. Of course he answered and followed them as quickly as he could, listening to their agitated, high-pitched voices telling their story, whilst they led him to the crashed school bus… and there he had met her.

Heather.

This bright and cheerful young woman, who had been able – despite her severe injuries - to teach her class of exhausted and scared third-graders to distinguish left from right, so they could find their way home. Heather, who had stilled them with an easy trick after Jake had uselessly tried to quiet them down so that he could think. She had been amazing, and she had awoken feelings in him he long thought dead…

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	5. Chapter 4

**_Chapter 4_**

In the coming days he had done some heroic but dumb things… still feeling like a screw-up, unworthy of love and trust… just guilty, so damn guilty.__

Having Heather around had somehow helped him; when she was with him, he could forget for a while what he had done. Laughing with her had not been an act, it came from the heart. Her selfless friendliness, her acceptance, lifted some of the weight that he'd been carrying for so long. __

It was refreshing that Heather didn't know about his past; she was not like the other townsfolk, remembering and gossiping about the punk kid he had been, each wrong step he had taken, what a disappointment he was to his father, the mayor.__

When he was with her he could let go of the mask he was wearing, and just be himself. Jake. Nothing more, nothing less. Surprisingly, it seemed she liked that guy.

How could he have missed those signs? Or had he deliberately chosen to ignore the facts?

She was so loving, so shy… so innocent. He had realized that interesting detail when she had run into him outside the shower; she was so sweet and embarrassed, babbling and blushing, not able to look straight at him because he was clad only in a towel. It was like she had never been that close to a man before – or to a half-naked man, at least.__

And only a few days later that very same person had thrown herself at him and had given him the kiss of his life, a kiss he would never forget. She was obviously afraid he would never come back from Rogue River as she babbled on in a panic about how to handle her old wreck of a car, as if he could control from which direction an attack would come. He thought she'd never stop as he asked, with a mix of annoyance and amusement, if there was anything else he should be aware of.

For a second he could see her fighting with herself, and then, unexpectedly, she kissed him like he had never been kissed before, turning his world upside down…

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	6. Chapter 5

**_Chapter 5_**

Hours later, driving down those back roads leading to Rogue River, he still could taste her on his lips, feel her soft curves pressing against his body, still remember how good, how right it had felt…__

Despite his anxiety about his father's sickness and whether they would find the needed medicine and return in time – he couldn't wait to get back to Jericho and find Heather, to talk about that helluva kiss… to take it further, to see what they could make out of it, out of them.__

But Rogue River had changed it all. After what they had found there, all those innocent people murdered by Ravenwood… he couldn't let Heather in, couldn't mar this perfect woman with what he was. He couldn't endanger her with his shady past. __

Even if Ravenwood was not looking for him in particular right now, he knew it was just a matter of time. His past was finally catching up with him and was casting its shadow on his town, on his family and friends. __

He knew how they worked, he had seen them in action back in Afghanistan and Iraq… they would find Eric's jacket and wallet; they would recognize the face of the man who had lied to them; they would read the name Eric Green and see the town where he lived, Jericho. They would come for their revenge.__

No way that Randy had taken them out alone; they were too well-trained to let one man stop them. But Jake had to let him try; he was injured and desperate, a member of Ravenwood seeking redemption for his deeds by sacrificing himself. __

There was nothing worse for men like these then a tarnished ego. They would come…they had the name Green, Eric's address. Jake couldn't keep them from coming for his family, but he would keep Heather out of it.__

They couldn't know what she meant to him; he had to be strong enough to refuse her. __

_**  
**__**I searched my world but I can't find you  
You're standing there but I can't touch you  
Try to talk but the words are just not there**__****_

For her safety, he needed to avoid her, even when it felt like something within him was being ripped apart. _  
__****_

_**I can feel a sense of danger  
You stare at me like I'm a stranger  
Paralyzed and you don't seem to care**_

She was lost to him… **__**

**_The demons in my dreams…_**

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	7. Chapter 6

**_Chapter 6 _******

Then it got colder and colder, winter came early and hit them full force. Not a day went by without finding another member of town frozen in their home… and they were rapidly running out of gas. If it continued at this rate they would lose half of town, possibly more, before spring.

Heather's idea to create windmills to make use of the abundant Kansas wind led them to Black Jack Fairgrounds, a newfound trading post out in Nebraska.

And there they ran into trouble… in the form of an old childhood friend of Heather's from her home town, New Bern; he was a nice looking guy called Ted, a little bit too handsome and too nice for Jake's taste… and the way Heather had greeted him had felt like a hit below the belt. To tell the truth, he was jealous. Deeply jealous.

After escaping Black Jack – thanks to the small band from New Bern – Heather had caught him unprepared. She told Jake that she was leaving Jericho (and him) and returning to New Bern, where she (and Ted, of course) would try to build windmills in the old brake factory.

Again he felt like he'd been punched in the gut. He knew… it was because of him. He had ignored her after that kiss – and now she was running away. She listed the reasons for her decision, that Jericho needed the windmills, that she would be gone "just for a few days", to "turn the lights back on in Jericho"…

When he tried to reason with her she had said the words he never would forget - **_hell, they still hurt_****, **he thought.****

  
Smiling bravely, but sadly, she stated, "You know why things didn't work out between us?" Not waiting for him to answer she continued, "I'm not dangerous. I'm crossword puzzles and flannel pajamas and the occasional light beer. I was never gonna be hazardous to you. That's how you tick."

That got straight behind his defenses. That was how she saw him? He was dumbstruck, racking his brain for an answer which would convince her that he was not like that. That he was not hazardous, that he would love doing crossword puzzles, especially if she were involved… but the words didn't come.

"No, it isn't," he deflected lamely, cursing himself for being so tongue-tied.

"Of course it is," she insisted, still wearing that sad little smile.

And then she did what she did best – reassuring him, despite how much she must be hurting. "But it's okay. Because if it wasn't, your dad would probably be dead right now. You and I would've never met on that bus. So I'm taking a page out of your book. I'm throwing caution to the wind. I'm going to help turn the lights on for everyone back home."

There had been nothing left for him to say or to do, unless you counted yelling at her and dragging her back home… and he wouldn't do that to her, not when he could see the determination in her eyes, that it was important for her to prove herself.

So he had given in, even though his heart was breaking, because now it was official: ... she was gone for good...

"Just for a few days, " he insisted hoarsely, trying to show her how desperate and torn he felt with each word. He enfolded her in a long, firm hug, relishing the sensation of her in his arms; one last time inhaling her sweet scent.

The heartfelt and desperate embrace ended too soon. Reluctantly he let her step out of his arms and peered down into her cute face, trying to memorize each detail.

Forcing a smile, she asked, "You worried about me?"

Swallowing his pain, Jake was barely able to answer and settled finally for throwing her own words back at her, the ones she had used after kissing him on Main Street. "Come back in one piece."

Then, she was gone. Settled in between Ted and the other guys from New Bern, she glanced solemnly at him, searching his eyes and holding them until the SUV had driven past him.

Just a moment later, he slumped down on the hood of his Roadrunner, his shoulders hunching down, unable to fathom what had just happened.

He had lost her, had let her go away with those strangers. God alone knew what could happen to her out there. And he had let her go fully knowing that it was the biggest mistake in his life…

His arms felt empty and cold without her – and so did his heart...

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	8. Chapter 7

**_Chapter 7_**

Weeks later he found himself behind bars, staring across the small aisle into the opposite cell, which was holding his brother.

He tried to hide his angst from Eric; ever since he and Hawkins had left Jericho that morning to search for his brother and Heather the knot in his stomach had tightened more and more, but he needed to know, he must know, where Heather was. But he feared that he already knew. His gut feeling told him something bad must have happened.

"So… where is she, where's Heather?" he finally whispered, dreading the answer.

Eric's broken stance was only adding to his fears; he saw his brother's face fall as he delayed, finally responding hoarsely, "She's dead, Jake."

Jake stared at his battered and bruised brother, motionless, not understanding what the words meant.

All of a sudden, when the true meaning finally cut its way through his brain, right to his heart, the onslaught of loss and pain made him close his eyes, his jaw clenching.

**_No… that can't be. Not Heather. Not her! Please, dear God… not her…_**

It just couldn't… he would not allow it. There was so much he wanted to tell her, _needed_ to tell her: how much her kiss on Main Street had meant to him, what a wimp he had been for not showing her how he felt, what a fool he'd been to let her go to New Bern after that disastrous visit to Black Jack…

She needed to know that he had finally worked it out, that – despite being a screw-up, despite Ravenwood and the Feds hunting him - he loved her… that he wanted, no, _needed_ her in his life… that she was his lifeline, his only chance to set things straight, to be a better man.

All this, and so much more, he had intended to tell her when he finally found her; to tell her whilst holding her close, breathing in her sweet scent.

And now he never would, because… she was dead.

Constantino had taken her from him.

Hate washed over him. Jake had never wanted to kill a person in cold blood before, but now… Curling his slender fingers into shaking fists and gritting his teeth, he tried to reign in the agonized cry bubbling up in his chest.

He wanted Constantino dead.

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	9. Chapter 8

**_Chapter 8_**

Suddenly there was a commotion outside, pulling him back from the dark place he'd been dwelling in.

Some of Constantino's goons – nowadays called "deputies" in New Bern – pried the cell doors open and roughly handcuffed the brothers.

Jake forced his despair away. Something was happening, and he had a bad feeling about it.

Swallowing the dread which had taken possession of him, he concentrated on the here and now. Eric was in bad shape – no wonder after all what they had done to him; he hardly was able to keep himself upright, so he would need Jake's help if there was the slightest chance of escape.

They were dragged forcefully through the corridor leading to the front doors. Jake could see the erratic flicker of torches through the glass. A sense of danger made him tense his muscles.

Constantino's voice echoed through the hallway, muted by the closed doors. Jake could make out snatches of a speech and the angry chattering of a crowd.

"…them how desperate… situation … but … "

The first deputy in line opened the double doors and they were roughly forced outside, in front of the half-destroyed City Hall of New Bern. Eric lost his footing and nearly tumbled down. Jake moved without thinking to support his brother and got rewarded with a brutal jerk to his arm which lifted him off the ground and made him wince.

"…what did they do? They tried to destroy the factory that keeps this town alive!"

The murmur increased, anger and desperation saturating the heavy, smoky air.

Jake swallowed, forcedly coming to an abrupt halt beside his brother, glancing down at the folk of New Bern.

Constantino stood there playing to the throng, his well composed words reverberating from the surrounding buildings.

Right on cue, he turned and pointed his finger accusingly at them, stating, "Here's your proof. These are the sons of Johnston Green sent from Jericho to wreak havoc on this town. Now we know, if these people have their way, New Bern would cease to exist. With your help and sacrifice, I will make sure that that never happens!"

Jake couldn't believe what was going on - the bearded town leader was skillfully goading the mob into a war against Jericho!

Stunned, the brothers faced the wave of hatred and scorn emanating from the crowd.

Whatever the cost, they needed to warn Jericho or the people they loved would die… if it was not already too late…

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	10. Chapter 9

**_Chapter 9_**

When they finally reached Jericho's City Hall hours later, it was almost sunrise.

He still couldn't believe that they had escaped; They hadn't stood a snowball's chance in hell just a few hours earlier.

Hawkins had created a diversion with Maggie's and Ted's help and they had been able to escape. Johnston showed up just in time to collect them and they had left New Bern using the escape route Russell had suggested.

They had run out of gas after only a few miles and had made their way to Jericho on foot, Jake and Johnston carrying Maggie in turns–Eric and Hawkins were both too groggy to be of help. Jake was still in awe of his father, who had carried her half of the way without complaint.

Maggie had lost much blood and had soon drifted into unconsciousness; Jake had been relieved that she was still alive when they left her, Hawkins, and Eric at the Med Center. Hopefully she would pull through, he owed her for helping them escape.

Eric had been in bad shape, not even complaining when their mother had started to fuss over him, and that spoke volumes.

As for Hawkins…that man was a miracle; he had let the doctor patch him up and was back on his feet again.

Adding insult to injury, Gray had blurted out the incident at the salt mine the moment they had shown up at the Mayor's office; and only a few minutes later the half-starved New Bern kid with the walkie-talkie had arrived.

Listening to Constantino's voice speaking coldly through the static of whose farms they wanted to occupy, of invading Jericho by force if they refused, sent a chill down his spine.

Jake was exhausted and slumped into a seat, ready to drop dead. He had been up and alert for over 36 hours now, starting with a shift at the rangers, then driving to New Bern, finding out about the planned attack of Jericho, getting incarcerated, learning of Heather's death, helplessly witnessing his brother's torture, being threatened with a knife held at his throat, witnessing Constantino creating a Casus Belli to bring death and destruction to Jericho, fighting for his and his brother's lives against Constantino's goons, and finally walking for several miles with Maggie's dead weight on his shoulders.

He'd had enough. Fatigue took over and desperation swallowed him.

How could have everything gone to hell in a hand basket so quickly?

All he wanted to do was to curl up into a ball and mourn Heather, to forget all of this madness surrounding him… he needed some time to adjust or he would snap. It was too much to bear.

He excused himself, ignoring the questioning looks of his father, Gray and Hawkins.

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	11. Chapter 10

**_Chapter 10_**

In his haste to leave the office he almost fell, stumbling over his own feet.

When he reached Main Street he started to run, ignoring his sore muscles and how tired he felt. Jake willed his body to work until his feet failed him and he slumped down where he stood, tears streaming down his face, almost choking under the onslaught of heavy sobs.

Suddenly he bent forwards and vomited, producing nothing but bile and the sour, stinging remnants of the whiskey Hawkins had provided earlier.

When had he last eaten? He couldn't remember…

Jake wiped his mouth clean and collapsed against a parked car, staring up into the dark sky. The light of the stars was slowly fading and the first, soft shades of dawn crept slowly over the firmament. But Jake didn't notice, he was too lost in his grief.

He had even failed to register where he had run to – another sob escaped him when he finally realized he was sitting in front of Heather's house, his back propped up against one wheel of her beloved, battered Charlotte.

**_Of all the places I could have run to, of course it would be hers_****, **he snorted miserably.

Jake hung his head, still trying to sort through his racing thoughts.

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	12. Chapter 11

**_Chapter 11_**

So it came that he found himself sitting on the street in the early shades of morning, contemplating his sorry excuse of a life, trying to come to terms with himself whilst the sun slowly lit up the sky.

He had been living on the fast track far too long and had failed in each attempt to put on the brakes or at least to change direction.

All the pent up anger which had filled him since his boyhood had almost disappeared after Heather's kiss…all the remorse and hurt after Chris' death, his growing despair after each feeble attempt of proving himself worthy in his father's eyes ended in just another shady job driving him even further into damnation, confirming that his father was right, that he was a lousy character, a worthless punk; those outrageous happenings in Iraq, when he had killed that little girl; his self-loathing, the futile attempts to make amends by always being the first in the line of fire, half-hoping that someone would put him out of his misery…

When he had finally accepted what he really felt for Heather, all that turmoil within him had subsided and deep inside his heart he had known that if he could have Heather at his side, if she would bestow upon him her love, he would be able to work it out, he would finally be able to become the man his father had once seen in him, the man he glimpsed in the reflection of Heather's azure eyes…

But she was no longer here. He had to face it, he had screwed up again, worse than ever. He had left her high and dry, avoiding her, never admitting that he liked her back, that he had fallen in love with her the very moment he had met her on that school bus after the bombs, too afraid to get attached, to take on that responsibility. He didn't need more chances to screw up, to hurt someone; it was better to not get involved.

And now it all came rushing upon him, smashing him violently, tearing his breath away; the loss of her ripped through his body and soul.

Heather… his Heather… she was gone. She would never again smile that shy smile of hers, would never again start babbling nervously, would never again touch his heart…

Losing her was the masterpiece of his collection of mistakes and bad judgments.

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	13. Chapter 12

**_Chapter 12_**

A blur of images and emotions threw Jake back in time, reliving some of the most painful moments of the past six months of his life. The pain inside him was growing unbearable.

His empty stomach rolled as another wave of nausea shook him.

He remembered how distraught he had felt the day before the bombs fell, when his best friend had died in his arms, shot by the henchmen of Ravenwood.

Knowing it wouldn't take long for them to come for him and Anna – Freddy's pregnant fiancée – he had put her on a Greyhound heading to Houston, handing over all the cash Freddy had already received from Ravenwood, hoping it would be enough to keep her and the baby safe.

Then he had returned to Jericho, not because he wanted to come back to the place he had run from in an act of cowardice years ago, but because there was no other place left he could turn to.

**_If you become a nobody  
Blind, to your family  
Who would you be?_**

He wouldn't stay, firstly because he was in no circumstances to regain some trust and respect from his father and brother and he knew that he could never forgive himself for what he had done, that he was not worthy of that trust he longed for; and, more importantly, because he would never ever endanger his family and home town with the menace he had breathing down his neck of not only Ravenwood, but also the Feds, hunting him.

Jake had tried to harden his heart against the unexpected onslaught of warm feelings when he had turned his Roadrunner into those familiar streets, seeing some well-known faces – it was just like he had never left; almost everything here was like it had been when he had bailed five years ago. It looked like time had stood still in Jericho.

He watched the towns-folk running around doing errands, never knowing how fragile this feeling of safety and civilization was… most of them not even suspecting what really was going on in the world, blissfully ignorant of what he had seen and learned.

Re-entering the world of this small, sleepy Kansas town made him snort a dry laugh and shake his head in disbelief at the same time. How lucky they were that they didn't know.

Then he had reached home.

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	14. Chapter 13

**_Chapter 13_**

Home…

It had been a long time since he had thought of the Greens' house that way.

Home. The word felt strange. His last years at home had been full of yelling, discipline, misunderstandings, rebellion, pent up anger, and more fights than he could count.

**_And life has gone into reverse  
Re-living every hurt along the way…_**

Bitterness swept over him and it took several minutes before he could shake himself out of his dark memories and muster up enough courage to step out of the car and enter his parents' house.

His mom's warm, heartfelt welcome almost undid him. She had always been the one to have his back, trying to reason with his father and to soften his own burning anger and ruffled ego, but to no avail; they had ignored Gail's desperate attempts and had never stopped their head-butting, each of them nursing every hurt that ever happened, feeding their grudges.

He knew that now, but nevertheless he could feel his old demons awaken, still feeling the sting of resentment like a thorn in his side.

Eric showed up and hugged Jake, his voice and looks a mirror image of their father, the smile on his face never reaching his eyes.

Jake had forgotten how much like Johnston Eric was, his bulky frame and broad shoulders almost dwarfing him in comparison; and now it seemed he'd adopted Johnston's attitude toward him, too.

And then he felt his father's presence before he saw him; it made his skin tingle. Jake turned slowly around and saw him standing in the hall, watching him.

Jake gulped involuntarily and shot a sideways glance at his mother – she smiled softly and nodded, encouraging him.

Puffing out his cheeks, he squared his shoulders and joined his father in the living room, glad that his mother took a place at his side when he felt the scrutinizing, judging gazes of his father and brother sweep over him.

Sucking in a deep breath he knew that whatever happened now, his family must not learn the truth about what he had done and what he had become in the last five years; that much he owed them. They had suffered enough because of him and his actions. He would by no means inflict any more pain on them.

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	15. Chapter 14

**_Chapter 14_**

He had never thought that seeing his father again would build a lump in his throat and threaten him with a break down, wishing he could fling himself into his father's arms, begging for forgiveness; hoping for a loving, _"Ssshhhhh, it's going to be ok, son,"_ like he had heard umpteen times before; back when a skinned knee had been the worst thing imaginable, when his world had revolved around his parents, love given and received without any doubts and every wrong righted when they had scooped him up in their arms…

But that moment fled quickly, he hadn't so much as voiced his request when his brother was already intervening, obviously taking a firm stand beside his father, once again mirroring the old man's point of view.

And so they all had fallen back into their old pattern: Jake and Eric fighting, their father's mood darkening, his mother intervening. In the end, Johnston had rebuffed his plea, not even knowing what this would mean for Jake, that his chances for outrunning Ravenwood and the Feds were now nil.

No forgiveness. No understanding. Just another fight, ending like they always had: He had become sulky, had turned away and run off, hurt and angry, promising himself that this had been the last time, that he would never come back, because this place would never be home again.

The last straw had been his mother leading him to his grandfather. More accurately, she had led him to his grave.

If he only had known, he would have been there. He had loved his grandfather so much, and now he was gone…

Feeling like he had finally hit rock bottom he had left Jericho to return to San Diego – to what avail, he had no idea. He was tired of running; should either Ravenwood or the Feds take him, he wouldn't care.

**_Everything that you fear_**

**_Is calling you and drawing near_**

And then the bombs fell and changed everything.

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	16. Chapter 15

**_Chapter 15  
_**  
Shaking himself out of those painful memories, he had finally gathered enough courage to acknowledge it… he had lost her forever.

**_I searched my world but I can't find you_**

Heather was dead. And it was his fault.

**_You're standing there but I can't touch you_**

Jake could feel the wheel bolts dig painfully in his back, almost welcoming the pain. He squeezed his eyes shut, burying his face again in his hands.

**_Try to talk but the words are just not there_**

Dread took over.

**_I can feel a sense of danger_**

Yes, there she was. He had been unconsciously waiting for her, and now he could see her.****

**_You stare at me like I'm a stranger_**

She was standing there, beside the little Iraqi girl. Heather held her hand, smiling down at her little face – then both turned and stared at him, blue and brown eyes, widening in shock…_  
__****_

Paralyzed and you don't seem to care

_No… no… please… don't…_Jake begged, but to no avail.**__**

_His breathing grew ragged as the chill of the early spring morning and the hardness of the concrete below him were replaced by desert heat and the silky softness of sand… he could feel the sweat dripping down his face, trickling down his spine, wetting his fatigues._

Jake rearranged his cap in a pointless attempt to gain more shade from its shield, then he squinted up into the blaring sun, confirming that it must be noon by now.

The route they had been following to avoid enemy contact had been hell so far; there had been more holes than road and it had been hard work to maneuver the heavy trucks through the wasteland.

His damn truck had run hot and luckily they had spotted this small village right in front of them, its stone well, shining in the burning sunshine, a welcome sight.

They had a lot more distance to cover today so they needed to cool down the truck as quickly as possible; they were already running late. If they could use water from that well, they could spare their scanty water supply.

Jake and some of the Ravenwood agents who were escorting this convoy had neared the village to ask the residents for water.

There they had met that cute little girl with the big, eloquent brown eyes, herding some goats near the well.

They had stepped closer cautiously because they didn't want to frighten her – but they were armed and alert, because here in Iraq you could trust no one. But they held their weapons down; they wanted to ask a favor, not to provoke an incident.

Jake remembered smiling down at her whilst Sammy asked in Arabian for permission to use some water from the well.

Then, without warning, there was a small movement from the right, followed by a high-itched sound; Whithers was shouting a warning – but it was too late…

Everything had slowed down, stretched, yet seemed to happen at the same time.

_Jake could hear gunfire roaring around him; then the grenade hit the ground. The shockwave when it exploded just a few feet away made him fly backwards._

An agonized cry escaped his lips at the sudden impact of shrapnel hitting his body, puncturing his torso on the right side, and then, as a large chunk permeated his hip, his hand cramped involuntarily around his machine gun, squeezing the trigger, sending the barrel in an upwards arch. He could feel the recoil of his weapon against his shoulder when the projectiles left the shaft, its pounding adding to the cacophony of war surrounding him.

Then he hit the ground, the shock forcing the air out of his lungs, causing large black spots to dance before his eyes.

The pain in his hip was almost unbearable, but he had only one thought: the girl… was she… had he…__

Gulping for air, he had scrambled onto his knees and crept back to where the girl had been standing.

It could only have been a minute since he had looked down on her, enjoying her innocent smile… and now… there she was, lying in her own blood, her brown eyes staring unseeingly into the sun.

Jake froze, staring down at her lovely face, searching for any sign of life.

He did not register that his comrades had wiped out the small village; that the gunfire ended eventually.

The next thing he knew, Freddy was yelling at him, shaking him out of his stupor. "God, Jake, man… that looks bad! Hey, stay with me, hear me? Stay with me!" Then everything got really crazy, it all started turning in circles and finally faded away…

He could remember snippets of his transport back to Baghdad, as he slipped in and out of consciousness; the never ending pain in his hip; Freddy holding his hand and talking a mile a minute. And the girl's eyes. Staring at him.  


Jake wiped his face.

He had seen this scene so often, had replayed it again and again in his head… it didn't help that he hadn't pulled the trigger intentionally, that it had been an involuntary reflex when he got wounded.

He had quit his employment as soon as possible and left Iraq, refusing both J & R's and Ravenwood's offers to get him back.

The little, nameless girl had accompanied him ever since, her soulful brown eyes always questioning and sad.

But this time, it was different.

**_The demons in my dreams…_**

This time she wasn't alone. Heather was there, holding her hand.

Heather's blue eyes had widened in shock and clouded over with pain, just as the little girl's had.

And Heather fell with her when his gun fired, a mist of blood filling the air.

Jake bit his lips to suppress the cry building in his chest.

He had failed Heather; she had been killed because of him, just like the little girl… and from now on he would have to live with it.

* * *

tbc...


	17. Chapter 16

**_Chapter 16_**

Finally Jake got wearily at his feet and made his way back to City Hall. His face was set like stone; his eyes shone with determination.

He had lived with the burden of taking the little girl's life for months now. He would manage this newly add blame too -for as long as he must.

Being at war in Afghanistan and Iraq had been like another, untold life in hell. All he had ever hoped was that nothing like that would ever threaten his homeland, his family and friends… and now… _  
__****_

_**Everything that you fear**__**  
**__**Is calling you and drawing near**__****_

He felt like all those unspeakable things had followed him, like he had brought them home.

His family, his town needed him now. There was a war to fight. Here, on American soil, in _Jericho_ - was a war to fight…

Maybe he would pull through, but knowing what Constantino was up to and having seen his resources, he doubted it. Maybe he would not have to live with that burden much longer, but at least he would do what he could to save Jericho and the ones he loved. But first things first. If he had a chance to take out Constantino, he would take it. __

_**I search my world but I can't find you  
You're standing there but I can't touch you  
I try to talk but the words are just not there**_

Constantino had taken Heather from him and for sure the death toll would rise before the next morning came.

**_I can feel a sense of danger  
You stare at me like I'm a stranger  
Paralyzed and you don't seem to care_**

The demons in my dreams

Once again he remembered kissing Heather on Main Street, savoring this moment in his memory, taking as much comfort as possible from reliving it.

This kiss had been something like a wake-up-call for him, to snap out of his misery, to step forward.

**_Wake me up and let's go_**

It was the only thing which remained from her that Constantino couldn't take from him and it had to last until the end…

**_I'm about to explode…_**

He was ready now to face whatever Constantino had planned for them.

**_I search my world but I can't find you  
You're standing there but I can't touch you  
I try to talk but the words are just not there  
I can feel a sense of danger  
You stare at me like I'm a stranger  
Paralyzed and you don't seem to care_**

He had finally found his place in this world – here, at home, in Jericho. And here he would take a stand and fight for the ones he loved._  
__****_

The demons in my dreams  


* * *

_**THE END**_


End file.
